Is It Really A Man’s World?

Posted on November 21, 2008
Filed Under Observations and Commentary | Leave a Comment

Everywhere you go you hear the phrase, “It’s a man’s world.” Is it really or is that just an urban legend or something that has carried forward from our past?

I do believe that in the past, in the United States and Europe, men did have the upper hand in everything from jobs to politics. In many countries around the world, including but not limited to the Middle East and Africa, this is still the case. In the west, I think that time has come to an end.

I don’t think anyone can identify the moment this changed.  It was gradual but depending on what aspect of society you focus on, the change happened at different times.

Looking at equality in the home, there are homes today where men are in charge and homes where women are in charge. Many homes each share an equality between men and women. 

In the workplace, I believe we have arrived at the point where an equally educated woman has an equal chance at a job or advancement. Studies seem to back up my beliefs when you take into account time off to have children, which affect men far less than women.

For the purpose of this discussion, I want to focus on allowed behavior in society. Stereotypes are never fair but are usually rooted in factual traits that a large percentage of a population have. The sterotype of a modern man is a masculine beer-drinking sports fan that would never let his feelings show in public.

For men, showing any feminine traits at all will bring the wrath of other men and many women will mock or consider the offender a ’sissy.’ This restricts men to adhere as close to the stereotype as possible, at all times in public. In private, with a spouse or girlfriend, women tend to like a sensitive man that is not afraid to show his feelings. This leads to men with two distinct personalities. The public, masculine face and the private, sensitive and caring face.

Let us compare this to the modern woman. Modern women are expected to be feminine and sexy while at the same time being strong and determined. Masculine traits such as obsessive sports fanatics, wearing sweat pants and a football jersey and ‘having balls’ in the workplace are encouraged and rewarded. Women that adopt masculine ways are actually encouraged by both men and women.

This even crosses over into fashion. Men have very strict rules about the clothes they wear. Pants, shorts, jeans and a t-shirt, sweatshirt, oxford, button-down or sweater-shirt are the options. Shoes are either tennis/athletic, boat, loafer, boot or dress. All are flat except perhaps a very slight heel on a dress shoe or boot. Quite restrictive when compared to what women can wear.

Women can wear all of the above, without being accused or wearing men’s clothes, plus dresses, skirts, blouses, skorts, high-waisted pants, camisoles, corsets, and the list goes on-and-on. Women’s shoes alone come in various heel heights and may be closed, open-toed, sandals, mule, boots, and many are even marketed and styled after men’s designs, often with a heel added. Women can easily wear men’s shoes and no one even cares.

Women actually have more options exclusive to them than men have, plus they can wear anything in a man’s closet and it is totally acceptable by society. In this case, women seem to have the upper hand.

It didn’t start out this way. Back in the 1960s, women were, in many cases, restricted to dresses and skirts. Pants were off-limits except for certain jobs that a skirt would not be appropriate for. Schools banned girls from wearing pants. Any woman that dared to wear pants was criticized for it. Think about those first women who wore pants and had the press and society upset about it.

Over the past 30-40 years, women invaded the men’s closet, taking every article of clothing and making it their own. From pants to ties, nothing is off-limits now. Women mix and match combining men’s fashion with women’s fashion. Even a woman wearing a complete men’s outfit can walk out in public with little notice. Put a single item from a woman’s closet on a man and society scoffs. 

Despite the fact that cross-dressers appear in the gay community at equal percentages as the straight community, society labels any man stepping into the woman’s closet as gay. 

As an aside, I find it odd that society expects everyone to respect everyone else reguardless of sexual persuasion but it still uses ‘gay’ as an insult. It doesn’t even fit the stereotype as most gay men, in my experience, are uber-masculine types or normal guys that you would never suspect because they don’t exhibit feminine traits.

Throughout the west, women have become equals to men in almost every segment. It is now the men that are living with inequality in fashion. The odd thing about it is, men are the ones enforcing these rules on other men that wish to experiment with some traditionally feminine fashions. I find many women have positive responses to a man in heels, if they fit into his overall fashion look.

There are two types of tolerant. The tolerance those of us that wear high heels see everyday where people will be polite and not treat you poorly but think to themselves, “that guy is wearing heels. He is really weird.” The other, the real meaning of the word, is when society allows people to wear whatever they want and it is considered fine, as long as it is not offensive or inappropriate. An example of offensive or inappropriate might be showing your panties walking through the mall or displaying nudity at WalMart.

We are closer than ever to male/female equality, at least in the west. With a few minor tweaks and a major change of thought on clothing and fashion, we can truly achieve it.

High Heels - Upward Trend Alarms Docs

Posted on November 19, 2008
Filed Under Press | Leave a Comment

Yahoo Video has an AP story about the upward trend of heels and the usual warnings from doctors.

Interesting sections about surgery to remove toes to fit into narrow shoes and a calculation on maximum heel hight. 

View it here: High Heels: Upward Trend Alarms Docs

Evangeline Lilly Likes a Man in Heels

Posted on November 13, 2008
Filed Under Entertainment | Leave a Comment

Evangeline Lilly from lost mentions she likes men in heels on The View back in March 2007. I just discovered this clip and bring it to you now.

The interesting part begins at 4:55 and at 5:30 when she says “I don’t mind a man in high heels.”

The Korea Times - Men in High Heels

Posted on November 12, 2008
Filed Under Press | 1 Comment

An article appeared in the Korea Times newspaper in October reporting on the trend of men wearing high heels.

The article discusses the number of high heeled shoes available to men in Korea and the men who are wearing them.

Take a peek at it and let me know what you think.

Men in High Heels - The Korea Times

What is Normal?

Posted on November 12, 2008
Filed Under Fashion, Observations and Commentary | 1 Comment

People that have hobbies and interests that lie outside what the mainstream considers ‘normal’ are often forced to keep their activities and interests private, almost secret. Those that don’t are often called weird and looked at differently. It can affect friendships, jobs and acceptance into groups and activities.

Society is hung up on what it considers normal. For some reason, many people think they have the right, some think it is an obligation, to control what others do. Most of these people have interests or activities they hide from everyone else lest they be lectured about normality. Is it human nature to force our beliefs and rules on others, even when the activity or interest may have no affect on the ‘offended’ person?

Being male and wearing high heel shoes is not currently considered normal by society. What I put on my feet doesn’t affect anyone else. My wearing 4″ stilettos doesn’t reduce their paycheck or take anything that belongs to them. Why should they care? 

The only reason I have ever heard that I can actually understand is, they don’t want to have to explain it to their children. Personally, I would agree if it had anything of a sexual nature to it. Young kids don’t need to be exposed to that stuff at the mall or on the street. On the other hand, the world is an adult place and we shouldn’t be trying to child-safe the world. As far as I am concerned, wearing heels is a fashion choice. Kids should be exposed to all sorts of fashion choices so they can develop their own style as they get older. 

Speaking of fashion, what is normal today is not what was normal yesterday or will be tomorrow. High heels were originally a men’s fashion. King Louis XIV popularized heels for the well-to-do and both men and women enjoyed them.

At the time, the fashion for men was also bright colors, pastels, lace, wigs and other items we consider today exclusively a women’s fashion. A mere 30 years ago, earrings were considered a women’s item while today, men and women wear them. Who knows who will be wearing high heels in 30 years but it takes a few bold people to start a trend. These early adventurers are often treated poorly for daring to upset the definition of ‘normal.’ 

There is a large trend emerging that can be tracked on the Internet. More and more men are starting to wear higher and higher heels. It has even hit the runways of New York, Milan and Paris. Designers are putting their male models in stiletto heels, some for shock value, some as a true fashion statement.

A few manufacturers, YSL being one of them, has a line of men’s shoes and boots with a higher heel than most men’s shoes have today. The trend is happening, the only question is, will it continue or will it fade away?

Normal is relative. What is normal for one person, community or region is not necessarily normal for another. When you next head out to do something that is not considered normal, remember that everyone does something that others would not consider normal. Ask yourself, does my activity have any negative impact on other people’s lives? Normal is a moving target. Get out these and do your thing. The more you, and others, do, the faster we can change the definition of normal to include your style.

Reactions from the Public

Posted on November 9, 2008
Filed Under Observations and Commentary | Leave a Comment

When people find out I wear heels in public, their first question is why. The second question is almost always, “How do people react?”

If you have been reading my prior posts, you know, in my experience, most people do not even notice. I would guess that less than 1% actually notice I am wearing heels.

Of the 1% that notice, about 50% just keep doing whatever they are doing with no reaction at all. Another 30% might do a double-take or stare at my feet or shoes. 

The remaining 20% can be broken down further. These people actually have a reaction, positive, negative or neutral. About 5%, usually adolescents or older (over 55) people, are visibly shocked. They may point or tell their friends but will not confront you and may even smile back if you smile at them.

5% will react disapprovingly, read by the look on their face or mannerisms, but will also smile back or try to hide their feeling if you look or smile at them. 5%, mostly adolescents, may laugh and try to be ‘cool’ with their friends. Alone, they would probably have no reaction but in a group, they can score points with their friends by discovering something unusual and mocking it. They will not confront you but won’t hide their reactions either.

4% will give you a disgusted look and let you know their opinion. They will not confront you or cause any problems. They try to enforce their rules by letting you know you are breaking them.

The final 1% are the only group you need to worry about. Almost always in groups, they will confront you. Most of them are harmless and a few are just curious but some have bad intentions. Almost none will do anything in public with witnesses, but alone on a dark street, a few of these would have no problem enforcing their rules with an assault and in extreme cases, battery. You can avoid these people by being smart and not wearing heels in a bad area of town where crime is high or near ‘macho’ types like a biker bar. 

The funny thing is, even in a biker bar you might find lots of supportive people, it is truly a very small 1 in 5000-10000 you might need to worry about. Be careful not to stereotype others, just as you don’t want them stereotyping you as gay, weird, crossdressing, etc…

In the past 15-16 months, I have actually been approached by 10-15 people about my heels. Two were men that were quite positive and just had questions. I felt one was probably a private heel wearer or loved heels. Maybe he wanted to wear them like me?

Several women have asked me about my heels and all have been positive and supportive. A few actually enjoyed my love of heels, bravery to wear them in public, and my skill in walking in 4-5″ heels. 

I have never had anyone confront me negatively. I have seen teens laugh and point, retirees scowl when they saw me and have felt uncomfortable on many occasions. I have never felt like I was in danger.

It really is true. The more time you spend wearing heels in public, the more comfortable you become and the apprehension eventually all but disappears. I think the key is in making them a part of your overall look or outfit. Look like you are put together and people will give you the benefit of the doubt. Act confident and as if wearing heels is perfectly normal and others will react positively to you.

Wear shorts with strappy 5″ stilettos and a muscle shirt and you will stand out and most likely be ridiculed. Wear conservative heels under long pants or jeans with a nice shirt and most everyone will react positively.

The lesson to take away from my experience: if you are a guy that has an interest in heels and wants to wear them as freely as women, you can to an extent. The more of us that get out there and expose the public to men in heels in a positive way, the more freedom we will gain to continue pushing the boundaries.

A Guy’s Life In Heels

Posted on November 6, 2008
Filed Under Fashion, Observations and Commentary, Out and About | 3 Comments

I often wear heels on evenings and weekends. Work would not understand and I don’t want to cause problems in the workplace so I wear men’s dress shoes during the workday.

Surprisingly to me, very, very few people even notice. I wear jeans or long pants with an extra 4″ of length that covers most of the heel. The heel shows a bit when I walk or sit and on a hard surface it can make noise. Most people are just not aware of other people’s shoes. They are too busy with their own tasks to notice.

Those that do notice usually just keep on going as if nothing is different. No more notice than I may give to a woman’s shoes that draw my attention. A few, very few, might double-take or stare. I may do the same if I saw something outside my normal worldview. They seldom make a face or say anything. Teens are the most likely to tell their friends or giggle but even that is rare.

I have had two men ask me about my heels when out in public. Both started with “are those heels made for men?” Interesting that they don’t ask “are you wearing women’s shoes?” Their first assumption is a new fashion trend, which is partially correct. Many designers are producing heels aimed at men including designer Yves saint Laurent.

In both cases, I got the impression the men asking were interested in wearing heels themselves. Perhaps that is why they felt compelled to ask me. This just enforces my belief that if more shoe manufactures produced heels designed and marketed to men, they would sell. It happened back in the 70s, it can happen again.

Women that ask me about my shoes are always very positive and almost enthusiastic about me wearing heels. I don’t know if they like the fact I can understand what they go through, like the idea, or just like men that are not afraid to march to a different tune. Probably a bit of each.

There are stages to wearing heels, for men at least. First is the desire. Often, this begins very early in life. Whether it is environmental, like seeing mom’s heels, or genetic is anybody’s guess. I have loved high heels since as early as I remember. When I was 10 I would play with the heels in the house but I had to wait until I was 13 and my feet were large enough to wear them.

My mom had a large collection of great heels and I would wear them after school until she got home. She threw some out one day when I was 14 and I recovered them and hid them in my room. I would wear them when no one was home and at night. 

In college, I always had roommates so I didn’t have any but a couple of the girls I dated had collections I could squeeze into. Funny, none of the girls I ever dated had a problem with me wearing heels.

My wife is a huge high-heel lover and has a very large collection. We wear very different sizes so we each have our own collection. She often buys me heels and we go shopping for them together a lot. It is only in the last year or two that I began wearing them out in public. Until this time, they had strictly been a private thing or halloween fun.

The second stage is actually wearing your own, or borrowed, heels in private. Many men never progress past this stage. I have seen studies that indicate that over 50% of men have worn high heels, and about 10% wear them often in private. Many have a hard time telling their significant others about their heels for fear of disapproval or worse. Many of these men end up divorced or separated as their partner cannot or will not accept it, even in private. Everyone has their private hobbies or activities that they fear the outside would would attack them for. In the grand scheme of things, this one is pretty harmless.

The third stage is sneaking out. Wearing heels while doing activities with a very small chance of discovery. I started wearing heels on my back patio and sneaking out on the front porch after checking that no one was around. There is a thrill in possibly being caught. I almost always drive wearing heels now. 

During this stage in my heeling, I don’t believe I was ever caught. Many men talk about going to a dark street late at night to wear heels out but I never did that. 

The fourth stage is testing the public waters. At this stage, you feel that everyone is watching you. Every snicker or laugh is directed at you. I began wearing men’s styled oxfords with a 4″ heel under long jeans. I would go places I felt safe going. First, nowhere I might see people I know. This usually meant out of town or restaurants across town I never go to. My first trip to a mall in heels was a mall on the other side of town that wasn’t that crowded.

A few people noticed but didn’t react or say anything. I tried to act confident and sure of myself. My wife being there helped too. There was a small group of retired women chatting in an open area  that noticed when we stepped onto the escalator. They told each other and all took a look. They found it interesting but never said anything to me or looked disturbed or upset. It is experiences like this that show you that nothing bad is going to happen. Most of the issues are in your head.

The fifth stage is openly wearing heels in public. I am in the early stages of this phase and feel comfortable wearing heels that are not flashy and are styled after men’s shoes. I always feel apprehension before stepping out for the first time that day but quickly get over it. By the end of the day, I almost want people to notice and really want someone to ask me about my heels. This almost never happens.

I do still watch where I go in heels. I don’t feel comfortable in some areas but when I overcome my fear and wear them anyway, I always find my fear was in my head. Recently, I was at a wig shop looking for some hair for halloween. The shop is run by two older hispanic women. I was nervous because the stereotype is Catholic and a bit judgmental. My fears were unfounded as they were very nice and their customers include a large number of cross-dressers and transgendered people.

I don’t even think one of them noticed my shoes. The other was chatty, friendly and told me how her son has the same wig I was buying. The lesson? Don’t judge other people that you fear will judge you.

The sixth stage is probably a very rare destination for most men. This stage is the show-off stage. Some men wear strappy sexy heels with shorts, thigh-high boots and more. They WANT to be noticed and have shed all fear of judgement. It would be nice if we could all live our lives this way, not worried about what other people think, doing whatever we want. Unfortunately, in the real world, many of us have jobs and relationships that would be affected if we went public in this manner. Many people are more concerned with what others do than living their own lives.

I don’t know that I would ever reach stage 6 unless I won the lottery or had a job that wouldn’t be affected by a man wearing heels. I would love to hit the public sidewalks in some sexy 5″ stiletto strappy red shoes but those will remain a private enjoyment for the time being.

I also believe that a measured bending of the societal norms can bring about the desired outcome. If the men wearing heels in public would pay attention to their entire look, pairing their heels with their men’s clothes in a pleasing way, it could become accepted as a normal thing. Wearing bright pink platform heels is more of an in-your-face challenge to society and not a simple call for a small change in the rules that define ‘normal.’ 

If society considered a man in fashionable heels dressed nicely a totally acceptable thing, I think a large number of men, maybe even matching the number of women that wear heels regularly, might ‘come out of the closet’ and enjoy the high heel as much as women have for over 100 years.

SIDE NOTE: When you are walking around a mall or store in your regular men’s shoes, listen and watch the people around you. Pay attention to them giggling, laughing and such. If you do this a few times, you will notice that it happens just as much as it does when you are wearing heels. Even when you are wearing heels, most, if not all, of these reactions have nothing to do with you. I found I was super-sensitive to what sounds and comments people made when I was wearing heels. Getting the same sounds and reactions occurring around you while in flats just confirms, it’s not about you.

Modista.com - New Way To Search For Shoes

Posted on November 5, 2008
Filed Under Marketing | Leave a Comment

I recently discovered Modista.com, a search site for shoes, handbags and sunglasses. 

You select the category, such a women’s shoes. Then, you select or search for a type of shoe.  I searched for ‘oxford’ and received a page showing thumbnails of 36 shoes.  If you select one, you get a closer view and the results update to show more shoes like the one you selected.

If you click on the larger view, you get a multiple view window with great shots of the shoe and price information and where you can find it online.

You can also set price and size sliders to narrow your results.

I happen to love this site and recommend you go check it out.

Qupid Shoes - New Discovery

Posted on November 4, 2008
Filed Under My Shoe Picks, Observations and Commentary | Leave a Comment

I recently discovered a brand of shoes I had not run across before.  I happened to run across them at Burlington Coat Factory here in the US. Qupid Shoes produces a very wide variety and styles of women’s shoes, including a large assortment of great heels.

You can visit their website, but it does not sell to consumers.  For that, you can visit zappos or many of the other online retailers.  Brick & mortar stores may carry them as well, as I discovered them at Burlington Coat Factory, a great place to find great heels as fantastic prices.

 I purchased two pair of oxford style shoes (not pictured) in US size 10 (women’s). I usually wear a 10.5 or 11, always an 11 when it is a closed shoe like an oxford. Cupid shoes, at least the pairs I bought, are marked size 10 but fit great. I have some room to wiggle my toes and the length is good. They are quite comfortable and have a 4″ stiletto heel. The shoes I bought are men’s style oxfords with a rounded toe, one pair in black and another slightly different style in grey. I will add photos of them soon.

I added a couple of photos of their shoes to this post but encourage you to visit their website and shoe retailers. If you can wear a women’s size 11 US, the Cupid size 10s should fit you just fine.

UPDATE: Attached below is one of the pair I bought.

Halloween: Excuse to Step Out in Heels

Posted on October 28, 2008
Filed Under Observations and Commentary | Leave a Comment

All of you guys that secretly wear heels in private. Yes, you there reading this blog. I can understand your apprehension about taking your heeling into public but it is halloween. This is your chance to wear your most outrageous pink stilettos out on the streets without anyone thinking you are strange. Those of us that do wear our conservative heels out in public get to live our fantasy of wearing those patent red platform strappy 6″ sandals out and about. 

Halloween is no longer the holiday for scary costumes. It has become a time for anything goes. Women wear the sluttiest outfit they can find and guys can cross-dress without the usual stigma.  The more outrageous you go, the better!

So, put on your best heels, a skirt and a wig and get out there and have fun in your heels.

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